Pondering the Bulge

Unfortunately, what once was a phenomenon unique to ballet dancers and cowboys can now be seen all over town on some who think tight vintage pants look cool. "Camel-ball" is pretty damn good. Some other possibilities include: cock and balls sandwich, nut-squish, hot dog taco, lincoln log, hoo-hoo dily, the misguided tube sock, the testeroni, the slamalamadingdong, hard taco supreme, the bulgenator, ding ding sling, the cat in the cradle, the hitchhiker, the hold the mayo, the three's-a-crowd, the Mister Miyagi, the "Hi nice to meet ya," the cheesestick, the I Dream of Weenie, the prisoner of war, the Skokie Swift, stinky twinkie, the Jar Jar, Salvation Army Sausage, the Subway Club, the Don't Squeeze the Charmin, the whistle blower, the "Fart and the Penis Gets It," jalapeno popper, birthday present, manwhich, the baloney express, Harry & the Hendersons, shakadong, boiled carrot, the thumbs down, the randy snail, hammer of the gods, c'est nes pas une pipe, the "Take me to your leader," Ralph Crotchio, pee-wee's big adventure, pubic zirconium, sir-dicks-a-lot and his hos, the sweaty knot, the mouse trap, the Mr. T, the Johnny Come Don'tly, fife & drum, pubius maximus, the suspicious package, Operation Ball-sackie Freedom, the Nutragious, the dinky express, balls a blazin, chariots of fire, the "Honey, I shrunk the kids," fly ball, the sigfreid and roy, ball-istic missile, the Yoko Oh No, pig n' a blanket, the embedded reporter, the in-case-you-were-wondering, mister magoo, the toppled Sadam, Italian beef, Mr. Johnson & his dirty secret, the bratwurst twist, the naughty manicotti, your nut's worst nightmare, pocket full of kryptonite, nine ball in the side pocket, the J and silent bobs, the looking-for-love-in-all-the-wrong-places, the "I traded my cow for a sack of magic beans," the buck stops here, the willy wonka, the hot pocket (or lean pocket), the sacks 5th ave., the snub nose, the "Buddy can you spare a dime," revolution #9, the lucky seven, the get-to-know-me, the little rascal, pressed spam, caught between a cock and a hard place, the pinto, the gremlin, the farmer john, the I Can't Believe it's not Bigger, Aladdin's lamp, the second-hand squeeze, the Louisiana bullfrog, the danny bone-a-ducci, the geraldo, big mac with cheese, the spaniel, the pass go and collect $200, pubes in paradise, rumble in the jungle, moons over my hammy, the monkey treat, the "Oh my God, is that your dick?," and the Baryshnikov surprise.

(Courtesy of the Gruesome Twosome Archives, vintage low brow Summers sisters.)